Milk Bottle Productions

"The Teddy has been given to us
As a class mascot, and it's up to you
To give him a name. Do we have
Any suggestions?"
There was some
Commotion in the small classroom as various
Different suggestions were mulled.
(Most were too rude or too naughty
Even for this - the nice teacher -
Who was a Buddhist and so a total walk over …
She didn't even beat you if you said the
Wrong answer. Weird.)
At last a hand went up.
"Yes, do you have a suggestion Mohammed?"
"Yes miss."
"What name would you like to give the bear?"
"Well, miss, I thought we could call him …"
"Yes?"
"Britney."
After fielding many names the teacher got silence again.
"Yes … well I've listened to all your
Suggestions and I think we'll call the bear
Socks."
Or Mo Socks III to give his full title.

"So tell me," said Mo Socks III holding the
Hand of the Teacher as tight as he could.
"Do you think this can get any worse?"
"Let me think," said the Teacher.
"We've been arrested in a country
With few human rights … very few for
Women, none for bears … where the
Populace appear to want us dead
And where there is a very active
Death penalty …"
"Yes."
"It could get worse."
They had been picked up seconds after she was fired.
Armed police appeared from hiding places
Outside the office and they were both
Whisked off to a compound at the President's Palace.
"They did a strip search on me," said the Teacher.
"Big deal," said Mo Socks. "You didn't
See where they stuck that knitting needle."
"Did it hurt," she said, holding Mo Socks
Tighter.
"No. I'm a teddy bear, we feel no pain."
"Are you lying?"
"Yes."
Then the President entered. He was a
Stark contrast to his prisoners.
She in a paper jump suit and shoes
With no laces,
He in a sharp-cut business suit
That would have been bang up to date
In 1976.

It was Christmas …
The party season was open and all manner
Of impossible gatherings were underway.
However, it is safe to say, that
The teddy bear's picnic wasn't in full swing.
Though that was only because the bear community
Had decided picnics were outmoded and
Only added to a stereotype propagated
By a very annoying song … Besides it was Christmas
And "damn cold out", as one member noted.
So in a dark restaurant in Soho the Guild
Of Soft, and Fictional, Teddy Bears met
For their annual Christmas party.

By Robert Crighton

The Natural history of Trolls "Whatever you do, don't think about orange Penguins!"

Multi-Awarding Winning Storyteller Robert Crighton returns with "The Natural History of Trolls", three stories covering a hundred and fifty years of history, two Queens and their subjects in the fairy kingdom. Midst this epic timeline is the story of an ordinary commute gone wrong, when a troll-like tramp in an Underground carriage turns out to REALLY be a Troll. Funny, thoughtful and with occasional attempts at wisdom, let Robert Crighton lead you through a world like ours - just a little off centre.

Written by Robert Crighton, performed by Robert Crighton and Catherine Eccles

Teaching Gods CD TEACHING GODS - Performed by Robert Crighton

The Gods have invaded the University. All thoughts of normal academic life disappear as the campus dissolves into chaos. The flowers walk and the squirrels clean kitchens. Will the agents of chaos win against the hardnosed grey suited form of the Vice Chancellor? What do you think?

BINK! - Performed by Catherine Eccles

Molly was left alone a lot. Her parents were always out. So she started talking to herself, to the furniture, to the house. And then the house answered back. A children's story ... just not for children.

By Robert Crighton

Teaching Gods Seven monologues by award-winning talent Robert Crighton. The dark satires Fantasy Terrorist League and Keynote Speaker are topical dramas about the dangers of a police state, Bink! is a twisted children's story and Teaching Gods is about when the establishment of a modern university is shaken to the ground by the unexpected arrival of a trio of gods.
Includes the new monologues:
Problem Tree
The Examiner of Small Ailments
The Alternative Seagull.

Monologues.
Cast of one or above.
Male and Female roles (all age 20+).

By Robert Crighton

Shoes That Angels Fear To Wear A comedy drama about life, madness, sex and shoes. Anna is attacked by a crazy woman who accuses her of wearing the shoes of Satan, just minutes after discovering she is pregnant. Across the course of the night she goes on the oddest pub crawl in history, including flying shoes, digestive biscuits and the best cabaret singer in the world.
Contains strong language and sexual themes.

For a cast of seven minimum, with doubling.
Main cast -
Three Female (age 20+, 40, 50+) and
Two Male (age 20 to 40)
with others optional.

By Robert Crighton

Blind Spots Teiresias, the blind prophet, hasn't any more predictions left. He has seen the future and there are few surprises.
So when a young woman arrives unexpected at his camp he is confused. Especially as she claims to be his daughter.
And insists on calling him Mother.

For a cast of two.
One Male (age 25) and
One Female (age 50+).

By Robert Crighton

Teaching Gods The subject is arrested one day as a terrorist.
He is questioned for months about a bomb he planted at a bus stop. Or that's what they say he did; he has no idea what anyone is talking about.
Winner of "Best Writing" Award at the Lost Theatre One Act Festival 2006.

Monologue.
For a cast of one male (age 20+).

By Robert Crighton

Infidelity never goes out of fashion …
A crazy medley of sex, violence and infidelity - put on the horns and join in the Cuckold's Fair. Betrayal, lust and sandwiches come together in a fusing of many meats. A historian travels to London to lecture on rural ritual, only to find himself stalked by the very powers he's supposed to be an expert upon. Meanwhile he is caught up in a bizarre web of intrigue, sex and lies - all culminating in the Horn Fair.

Contains adult themes, language and content.

For a cast of seven - numbers can vary.
Ideally - Six Female (various ages)
One Male (30+).

An Unsuitable Name for a Bear …

Captives of the President …

A Christmas Party

NEW!
THE NATURAL HISTORY OF TROLLS

TEACHING GODS & BINK!
[ CD ]

TEACHING GODS AND OTHER STORIES …

SHOES THAT ANGELS FEAR TO WEAR

BLIND SPOTS

FANTASY TERRORIST LEAGUE

CUCKOLD'S FAIR